Dating a Chinese woman with the intention of having a Chinese marriage?
Your Chinese girlfriend may look like an angel but does that mean that she'll stay that way once she's your Chinese wife?
Granted - China is a big place and each province is different. How your Chinese wife may be will depend on where she was brought up (and her own family dynamics.)
That being said - after living in mainland China for more than 4 years here's what my expat friends and I have found.
If your Chinese girlfriend comes from the city then chances are she grew up in a matriarchal household.
Her mother made the rules even though 'officially' her father is in charge (she joins his family, he inherits, etc...).
Her mother probably was responsible for the money and how much allowance the husband would get.
She was also responsible for the children.
She has the final say on what the child studied and what he/she did.
So you can expect your potential wife to demand to have the last say over your children and to give you an allowance (from your paycheck, by the way.)
Speaking of allowance...
There's only one thing your Asian wife will demand of you - your paycheck.
Sure I'm putting it in a bad light and marriage isn't as simple as that. I will admit that I haven't been married. So I do carry a bias (but contrary to what my father thinks I did live in a matriarchal household!) ;-)
That being said it will be your job to provide for the family. The higher up the social echelon your Chinese fiancee is from - the more expectant she will be of this. These expectations also go up depending on how attractive she's been growing up.
Dang! Is it all bad? Well, not really…depending on how you want to look at it.
...to your vices that is. If she can turn a blind eye to your bad habits she will (for the sake of your Chinese marriage.) Yes this even includes having mistresses.
You see - failing at marriage in China still holds a lot of shame. Unlike the West where a woman is encouraged to stand up for herself regardless - in China a woman is supposed to marry for the sake of her family (and stay married).
When you also consider the one-child policy that affected most Chinese families, you can imagine the risk her parents took in having her. How so? In China men have more social standing than women. The only way she can get social status is through her husband. I find this to be a pity but I didn't make the rules.
Anyways..would your marriage be like this?
It depends on many factors. It depends on
• your wife's socio-economic background (the more wealthy chances are the more matriarchal)
• her family dynamic
• the dynamic you've set up with her (is she walking all over you already? Or can she depend on you as a man?)
In any case how are you even sure that your girlfriend from China wants to marry you? Check out if you really want to marry a Chinese woman here. You'll also discover these 3 tell-tale signs that she wants marriage with you also.
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